just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
