I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I cut my penus on the lid.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize