bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
