She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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