i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
