i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
