He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
