I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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