i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
