I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
