Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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