Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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