he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
