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• (702): View more from Nevada

  just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?

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• (512): View more from Texas

  Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!

  (1-512): View more from Texas

  well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment

  (757): View more from Virginia

  Personally I think it's a tremendous investment

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward

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• (705): View more from Ontario

  We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.

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• (863): View more from Florida

  Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?

  (863): View more from Florida

  The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"

  (1-508): View more from Massachusetts

  No idea hahaha...why?

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level

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