but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
