I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he quoted the bible to break up with me
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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