The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
