I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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