i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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