Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Boobs speak an international language.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize