oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
