Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
