so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
