when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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