I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
