i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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