There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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