My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
