someone owes me an orgasm
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
My bed smells like the plague
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
