I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
