I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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