And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
