Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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