bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
