nut hugger
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
