my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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