1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
