She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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