I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
