I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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