Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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