i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
