Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
