I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
