Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
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