Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
