If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
