why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
