my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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