A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
