Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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