how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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