Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
