So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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