I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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