Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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