The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
