Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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