And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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