i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
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