SEEEEXXX PLEASE
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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