she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
