I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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