Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
