Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You ruined the universe
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
