I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
