I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I faked an abortion last night.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Randomize