He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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