I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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