How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
