Your tits are I can't wait for
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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