So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
