How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
