Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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